p[i]xel.p[e]rfect.: November 2008

Let me Explain...

I AM A JERSEY GIRL.
RESIDING IN MARYLAND.I grew up moving around every few years, however from parent to parent, house to house, it was mainly all within the twin counties (Monmouth and Ocean) of New Jersey. I never really left the 30 mile square radius. At the ass end of '06 I moved two states away to Maryland. It's nice here. I've made great friends, became accustomed to the smell of chicken shit, (OMIGOD! That horid smell- I thought I'd never get 'used' to it) and even found a job (now 2) where I can really be myself and felt comfy in. However, my heart is still in New Jersey, and no matter what you say about it, no matter how hard y'all bash New Jersey, it'll always be home. So I took my Jersey attitude, and stuck it in my back pocket so I wouldn't scare any of you (more) southern folks away. You willingly clicked on my blog - so if my jersey roots sometimes show, and you find yourself re-learning all about me in a new light, don't be surprised. I'm not saying you'll find yourself glowing green because some of my nuclear waste leaked into your head from reading my blog, just that after I learned to drive on the Turnpike, I'm not afraid to say/do anything!

Monday, November 3, 2008

Get a Few Drinks in Ya....

Stephanie's mission is to build up my alcohol tolerance before my 21st birthday in T-MINUS 12 DAYS!

The other night I had two beers and felt a little tipsy. Tonight I haven't even had a beer and I've already loosened my collar enough to make a fool out of myself in front of her (boyfriend???) who lives like 5000 miles away...

not really. more like 400 but who's counting?

Boys need to get something through their thick skulls: when you are dating a girl... long distance relationship, and you get a chance to talk to her new best friend on the phone, you don't say nothing, listening to her talk and pretend to be zoning out the entire time. Saying things like...

uhh... okay and K
and things like WOW you use big words, like ones that I can't even pronounce

DOES NOT MAKE YOU LOOK GOOD....

& also,
don't be bitchy to your girlfriend....

I can pass judgements on your ass and then... hello guess who gets DUMPED... like Yesterday's Dog crap!?

-who keeps their dog crap for 24 hours anyway?

I'm not saying I have any power over who she dates, I'm just saying, I'm the one that has to talk to her about you and her relationship with you, so you better be smooth as a baby's fucking bottom, because the more I like you, the better advice I might be able to give on your long distance relationship bullshit....

JUST A THOUGHT.

X Y Z

Top Ten most Polite Ways to Say Your Zipper Is Down.........
by David Letterman

10. The cucumber has left the salad.
9. Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells.
8. You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked
position.
7. Paging Mr. Johnson... Paging Mr. Johnson..
6. Elvis is leaving the building.
5. The Buick is not all the way in the garage.
4. Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction.
3. You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones.
2. Men may be From Mars.....but I can see something that rhymes with Venus.

And the #1 way to tell someone his zipper is unzipped.....
1. I always knew you were crazy, but now I can see your nuts.

Creepy History Lessons

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.

Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.
Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head.

Lincoln 's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln.

Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.
Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808. Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.

Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.

Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford.'
Kennedy was shot in a car called ' Lincoln' made by 'Ford.'

Lincoln was shot in a theater and his assassin ran and hid in a warehouse.
Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theater.

Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.

A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.

Claim to Fame #2

The Buffalo Theory

In an episode of 'Cheers", Cliff is seated at the bar, describing the Buffalo Theory to his buddy, Norm.

"Well you see, Norm, it's like this...A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weaker members.

In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. And that, Norm is why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

Let me Explain...

Monday, November 24, 2008

update

Monday, November 3, 2008

Get a Few Drinks in Ya....

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X Y Z

Me & KiWi

Creepy History Lessons

Claim to Fame #1

Claim to Fame #2

Claim to Fame #3

Claim to Fame #4

The Buffalo Theory