Get a Few Drinks in Ya....

Stephanie's mission is to build up my alcohol tolerance before my 21st birthday in T-MINUS 12 DAYS!

The other night I had two beers and felt a little tipsy. Tonight I haven't even had a beer and I've already loosened my collar enough to make a fool out of myself in front of her (boyfriend???) who lives like 5000 miles away...

not really. more like 400 but who's counting?

Boys need to get something through their thick skulls: when you are dating a girl... long distance relationship, and you get a chance to talk to her new best friend on the phone, you don't say nothing, listening to her talk and pretend to be zoning out the entire time. Saying things like...

uhh... okay and K
and things like WOW you use big words, like ones that I can't even pronounce

DOES NOT MAKE YOU LOOK GOOD....

& also,
don't be bitchy to your girlfriend....

I can pass judgements on your ass and then... hello guess who gets DUMPED... like Yesterday's Dog crap!?

-who keeps their dog crap for 24 hours anyway?

I'm not saying I have any power over who she dates, I'm just saying, I'm the one that has to talk to her about you and her relationship with you, so you better be smooth as a baby's fucking bottom, because the more I like you, the better advice I might be able to give on your long distance relationship bullshit....


JUST A THOUGHT.

3:00AM - Sudden Rush of Pain.

There I was, nestled in my bed with thoughts of tomorrow nowhere near my conscienceness, probably drooling and snoring, when I am awaken with a horrible crashing feeling that something just stabbed me in the uterus. Holy Crap! What the hell was that?

As the top half of my body shot up like a rocket, my eyes probably welling with tears from the sudden pain, I look at what sits at the bottom of my belly, and see nothing, but Thor.

Thor, the cat
jumped
from the bookcase
onto me
in the most private of areas
to make me cry
why would my loving feline friend do such a thing?


that hurt charlie. that really hurt.

New Place

As some of you may know, I have recently moved to a new place with two of my best friends. Here are some new exciting developments that have come into play:

1. As it turns out, boys are more afraid of mice than girls. [@ least in this household.]
2. Unfortunately, girls are more afraid of spiders. [damn, that's 1:1]
3. Never hit the second switch... you never know what it might turn off.
4. Gravity does not always work in our favor. Point: Just because the toilet is upstairs does not mean the poo goes down. [& honestly, does gravity ever work in our favor?]
5. Cardboard boxes hide the mess better than taking the crap out of the box.
6. Garbage tends to pile up when you realize that you have to pay for someone to pick it up for you.
7. Our priorities are in check. Internet was installed first before we bought our first gallon of milk.
8. Cats are hard to find when you are trying to keep them a secret from the landlord.
9. When the ad says "W/D Hookup" and then the place actually comes with a washer and dryer- there is a reason why the previous owners left them here.
10. Bringing cats from a completely carpeted apartment to a completely wood-floored house is hilarious to watch [apparently for hours].
11. When someone moves out who already had a TV, make them take it, or else you wind up with too many damn TVs.
12. Never take the bedroom that's next to the kitchen. (One night my room smells like popcorn, the next: hot dogs. Tonight: Spaghetti, Sauce and Italian Bread.)
13. Backyards are only nice when you have something to put on them.... besides a lawn mower.

A Whole Lotta Poems & Me.

I researched these poems and added a few lines, edited them and deleted a lot to make it my own. It took me several hours and gave it to a friend who was having a hard time dealing with his life. It descirbes who he used to be, and today I felt these words necessary again.

Edited poems by Andre Maurois, Sir Winston Churchill, Carlos Castaneda, and Helen Keller.Edited, Contributed, and Closed by Caitlin Mauger

Often we allow ourselves to be upset by small things that we should forget about at once.
Perhaps someone we helped has proven ungrateful,
Someone that we believed to be a friend, has spoken ill of us,
Some regard we thought we deserved, was denied to us.
We feel such disappointment so strongly,
That we can no longer work, or even sleep.
We loose many irreplaceable hours in brooding our grievances that in a years time,
Will be forgotten by us, and everyone else.
Let us devote our lives to worthwhile feelings and actions,
To great thoughts,
Real affections,
And enduring actions for others.
Life is too short to be little.
We choose how we should live;
Courageously or in cowardice,
Honorably or dishonorably,
With purpose, or in a drift.
We decide what is important,
And what is trivial in life.
We decide what makes us significant.
It’s either what we do, or refuse to do.
We decide, we choose.
And we decide and we choose,
So our lives are formed.
We either make ourselves miserable,
Or we make ourselves strong.
The amount of work is the same.
Life is either a daring adventure,
Or nothing.
When we do the best that we can,
We never know what miracle is wrought in our life,
Or in the life of another.
Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow.
One can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar.
No pessimist ever discovered the secrets of the stars,
Or sailed to an uncharted land,
Or opened a new heaven to the human spirit.
In the long run, pessimist may be proven right,
But the optimist has a better time on the trip.
An attitude of quality over quantity works only if you truly believe it.
But when the preacher of these words,
Spends his time in a quality that he does not approve,
And wouldn’t mind cutting his time here,
With his friends and family, a little short,
Not only is he fooling the crowd,
He is hurting himself.
A pessimist is someone who feels bad, when he feels good.
For FEAR he will feel worse when he feels better.
An optimist, looks at an oyster and expects to find a pearl,
A pessimist looks at an oyster and expects to ptomaine poisoning.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity,
An optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
Pessimists have no starters,
Optimists have no brakes.
An optimist laughs to forget,
The pessimist forgets to laugh.

Just when I was getting used to today, it became tomorrow.
Just when I had the confidence in you, I realized,
Confidence is what you have,
when you don’t really understand the situation.
I think that the life cycle is all backwards.
You should die first, to get it out of the way.
You should live twenty years in an old age home.
You should get kicked out when you become too young.
You should get a gold watch, and go to work.
You should work forty years until your young enough to enjoy retirement.
You should go to college, until your ready for highschool.
You should go to grade school, and become a little kid.
You should have to play, have no responsibilities, and become a little baby.
You should go to the womb, and spend your last nine months floating.
And you should finish off as a gleam in somebody’s eye.

Life both starts and ends with love.
And if you let no love into your life,
Your life will never start, and never end.
Yes, someday you will die, but you will realize,
You never lived to begin with.
Decide and choose.
Decide and choose which life to live, which path to take.
Wanting to die young is not a crime,
But make your youth worth living for.
Make the best of yours,
C.J.

old graphics

if you have ever kept a portfolio, you might know what I'm talking about here.

i was searching through some of my old graphics, trying to re-discover my love for them when I found this Reese Witherspoon graphic I made years ago. Honestly, it was made Sunday, June 1st, 2003, 6:14:15 AM. (for any of you who know your much older than me but don't like to realize how much older you are... you might want to skip the next line...) It shows you how bored I was my FRESHMAN year of high school. (Sorry for putting that in caps, I don't know what came over me!) Anyway, I found it... and I wanted to make this graphic again! I wish I was there again to figure out how I got to that point. I haven't made a graphic like this in so long... and making those posters for work made me realize HOW out of touch I am with my photoshop skills. I enjoy making graphics, but I'm sick of making graphics of celebrities. I want to advertise products now, which is why I had so much fun making the posters for the book.

From Freshman - Junior year of high school I had an online magazine called Watermark. My e-mailing list was over 7,000 teenagers long. They would send in requests of certain celebs and I would make it for them. It was a way of building my portfolio, talking to other graphic designers my age, and learning new tricks. However, now I find my portfolio has 400 celebrities, one book, and three movies. Boring.

I'm going to try to broaden my horizons, so if you have any ideas... comment!

Thanks,

Caitlin

Weight Gainers

As one of my current occupations, I work as a health enthusiast at a vitamin supply retail store. Yesterday, I had a very fun customer, of which I thought I should share with the masses.

This 97 lb kid walks into the store asking for some help. He wanted to start to gain weight so he could lift weights and turn his puny little body into a god like muscle warrior. He said his friend told him about some protein powders that help with the fatigue and lessen the amount of recovery needed after a hard workout.

I brought him to our selections. I was in the middle of telling him about creatine when he RUDELY interuppted me and asked a VERY RUDE question.

"Well, which one do you use?"

Pause. REWIND.

<< Do I look like a body builder? Do I look like I spend hours of time at the gym? NO!

Stop. Fast Forward >>

I immediatly responded without missing a beat...
"I'm on a healthy diet of double fudge cupcakes and venti caramel lattes."

His face became red, I smiled and he appologized. I had to tell him I was joking (which I was not) and referred him to one of the better tasting products that we sell. He paid for the purchase and left.

The moral of the story is this: don't ask a fat girl what weight gainer she uses. She may become sarcastic (and if you're lucky, she won't sit on you!)

Graphic Designer??

As some of you may have noticed, [it's posted like 10 times on here] that I am, indeed, a graphic designer. When did this happen? What does it take to become a graphic designer? Who knows. Honestly, I make graphics. Some people buy them. I started making them in fifth grade. The first graphic I sold was in eighth. It was a header for a website, along with some small icons to be placed as ads on other websites. My fee was $130. Not bad for a 1/2 hour worth of work. But the last graphic I made was a desktop, for myself. It has three friends and myself made into M&Ms from makemeanmnm.com or something like that. Fun, whatever. However, a friend made a request to have two graphics made to be placed up as signs for a release of a new book coming out! Not since the time when I worked in the grocery store has some type of graphic hung up in a real public place. So my work is first being "published" at a big chain bookstore! Not bad for a high school drop out who only makes graphics to pass the time. So what if its for my place of business, and its for a friend. Although it doesn't feel like a big deal - it is! How many people (without a college degree in the field, who don't get paid mega $$$) can say they have their "artwork" framed as a sign - promoting a new release - in a large retail store - able to be seen by hundreds of people!? First stop, here... next stop, promoting Coca-Cola in Times Square! Hey, ya gotta dream, right?